You can feel it in the air, autumn is here—transitioning us between seasons and wardrobes, shuttling in new activities, and perhaps even altering our moods. This fall also brought about a major transition for me personally, one both wonderful and challenging at the same time.
 
In August, we added a baby boy to our brood, stepping me up to a mother of two. Perhaps ignorantly, I wasn’t expecting a lot to change. Even though I knew it would be a lot more physical work, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll it would take on how I viewed myself. 
 
From me to MOM 
When my son arrived, I immediately felt my identity had been altered. Even though I was a mom before, now I really felt like a MOM, with a capital M! I experienced a sense of loss, mourning my old self. I felt older, less desirable, and less of an individual apart from my kids. 
 
I wasn’t sad about this identity shift, but I certainly didn’t expect it. But that’s the thing with transitions—they can be complicated, even when you think you are prepared for them.
 
What’s happening?
The key is that transitions are not just about what is changing, but rather how that change will internalize within you over time. We tend to believe that our identity is stable across all situations--that no matter what big life change may come our way, we are still the same person. But the reality is that once you go through a big transition, you are not the same person anymore and you will likely view yourself differently.

So how to cope?
It’s important to remember that your self-image is malleable and not underestimate how transitions will affect you. When your context changes (i.e., you get that big promotion or you move across the country) your identity will change with it. So, it's important to think about how you may see yourself differently after going through big experiences (having a baby, getting married, starting a new job). This will help you prepare.

Begin with the end
Finally, I will leave you with some simple wisdom (not my own) that will help you gracefully navigate all those big life transitions, both expected and unexpected: All transitions start with an end, not a beginning. And it is this end that you need to mourn before being able to embark on a new beginning. So, goodbye mommy-of-one, hello mommy with a capital M!

Had similar experiences? Tell us about them!

-- by Brittany Olsen, a San Francisco-based psychotherapist and mother of two.