Discussion Divas

The world loses a foremost female political leader

Less than two weeks before Pakistan was to hold important elections, Benazir Bhutto, a two-time prime minister and the first woman elected to lead a Muslim state, was assassinated Thursday at a political rally while making another run for prime minister.
 

Why is this such a big international story?
Bhutto's death adds to Pakistan's general political unrest and the uncertainty about its future, and erases much work by the United States to help see her into power.

What's causing the unrest in Pakistan?
Much of the recent turbulence stems from President Pervez Musharraf's decision in November to institute military rule and suspend the constitution, a move that spurred violent street protests.

Musharraf, who gained power in a coup in 1999, later lifted the rule, called for elections, and stepped down from the military to simply be a civilian president.

Musharraf is also feeling pressure from the United States. As we explained in the Nov. 9 WeeklyDIVA, the United States made a deal-with-the-devil of sorts with Pakistan just after 9/11, providing financial aid—more than $10 billion so far—and support for Musharraf.

In exchange, Pakistan agreed to help fight Islamic militants like al Qaeda, who are hiding out in the areas bordering neighboring Afghanistan. But it hasn't gone quite as planned: The militants living in Pakistan are as active as ever, and reformists want Musharraf to loosen his iron grip on power.

How Bhutto fit into the picture
As leader of the largest opposition party in Pakistan, Bhutto was seen as a possible balance to Musharraf's power.

Although twice elected prime minister of Pakistan, the Harvard and Oxford-educated Bhutto was twice removed from that post on alleged corruption charges.
In 1998, she and her family fled for Dubai to avoid the charges, but she returned in October at age 54 to hopefully restore democracy. Bhutto's father also served as prime minister and was executed in 1979.

The big picture
While world leaders are reacting to Bhutto's death, it is unclear if Pakistan will hold the scheduled elections on January 8. It's also unclear what strategy the United States will take with Pakistan, particularly as it comes under scrutiny as a promoter of democracy for supporting a country with a leader that was never elected. And of course Pakistan's control of its nuclear weapons remains an important concern.

 

All that does seem certain is that the world has lost one of its foremost female political leaders.

Party zingers

When the eggnog runs dry, try these news bits on fellow revelers. You’ll be the belle of the ball.

Who’s on first: Baseball rocked by The Mitchell Report

It took a 20-month investigation to tell us what we might have already guessed—anabolic steroid use among major league baseball players is “widespread.” Perhaps more shockingly, the report also suggests that hundreds of thousands of high school students are using the drugs. 

The much anticipated Mitchell Report, named for the former senator George Mitchell who led the investigation on behalf of Major League Baseball, implicated dozens of players, including seven MVPs, and touched all 30 teams in the MLB. Some of the star players you’ll hear bandied about: Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi, Jose Canseco and Andy Pettitte.

Key facts: Over 700 witnesses were interviewed for the report, including former managers, coaches, team doctors and club officials. Just 68 former players of 500 asked agreed to interview.

What are anabolic steroids? They are a class of drugs usually prescribed to men whose bodies can’t produce enough testosterone naturally, and to strengthen people weakened by disease. Athletes use them to build muscle mass and improve athletic performance.

We covered steroids in July as San Francisco Giants’ slugger Barry Bonds raced to become the homerun king amid controversy over alleged steroid use. Incidentally, Bonds, who did beat the record, pleaded non-guilty to charges that he lied to investigators about his use of steroids. He's also named in the report.

Sorry to devote so much ink to this one, but it really stole the news show on Thursday!

Moving on, and speaking of drugs…
Hillary Clinton personally apologized to Barack Obama for a campaign aide’s comments that Obama’s openness about previous drug use would come back to bite him in the election. The aide, who quickly resigned, said Republicans would have a hay-day with it if Obama got the nomination. The apology came at a Washington airport, where apparently Clinton and Obama ran into each on their way back to Iowa.

The word of the year is w00t

No what, “w00t”—a combination of letters and numbers used in the gaming world to express joy. The word garnered the most online votes to make it Merriam-Webster’s word of the year for 2007. The dictionary folks liken it to “yay.” Other words making the top-10 list? Conundrum, apathetic and facebook (now a verb).

Now go have some fun!

Fighting the holiday blues

Home for the holidays… a yearly ritual that brings comfort and some predictability to the chaos of the holiday season. No matter how young or old, many of us can count on spending the holidays with our families.

But while this may bring visions of carols and cocoa, reality can often be far from dreamy—as in, why is mom treating you like you’re 16 years old again?

Old family roles die hard

Even if you live thousands of miles away from mom and dad, brother and sister, when you’re home, everyone plays a role.

Think of your family like a cast of characters in a play. Each person is assigned a particular part to play, perhaps the hero, the scapegoat, or the caretaker, and each person assumes that identity and the subsequent behaviors of their assigned role—essentially forever.   

If you know your role and everyone else’s, why can the holidays get messy?

Challenges arise when the cast of characters temporarily return for another act in the play, like the holidays. Everyone assumes you’re playing the same role when actually you’ve changed and don’t want that role anymore. It leads to a host of feelings:

• Hey Mom, I am different now! You’ve grown and changed but the family still treats you like the family clown. You think, does my family really know me?
• Oops, I did it again. It’s easy to jump back into old behaviors you thought you’d abandoned. Perhaps you were cast as the caretaker but realized the role was enabling poor behavior in family members. You feel frustrated.
• Changing of the guard.  There’s a new character in the play—a partner or baby—and roles have been realigned.   You might confused and isolated. 

So, how to deal?
With the limited time frame of the holidays, it’s probably best to do nothing major. After all, family systems and roles are so entrenched, cemented over decades, that unless you are planning on making the holidays an extended therapy session, you would be wise to just bring awareness to the situation. 

By simply reminding yourself of the dynamics and the feelings they may bring, you set reasonable expectations for what things will be like. That doesn’t mean to ignore what might be uncomfortable family role dynamics, but it is likely that confrontations during the holidays will not produce change. Instead try to focus on what is within your control. At the end of the day, that’s just you!

-- by Brittany Olsen, a San Francisco-based psychotherapist. Have a question for Brittany? Post them annonymously.

Stirring it up at the holiday party

Wow them around the punch bowl with a little talk of Iran, teenage pregnancy rates and the Boy Scouts. All month we’ll be lobbing conversation zingers your way to get you through any holiday party.

 

They do, they don’t… they could? A breakdown of the he said, she said Iran debacle

For the last two years, and lately with intensity, we’ve been hearing about Iran’s uranium enrichment program, a sign that this Iraqi neighbor is building nuclear weapons. No, said Iran, this program is meant for civilian power purposes.

 

Even so, we’ve heard calls for tougher sanctions   on Iran by the entire international community, and veiled threats of war by some politicians. All this based largely on a 2005 report—the National Intelligence Estimate—which claimed Iran was advancing its nuclear weapons program.

 

But now, new intelligence from an updated version of the SAME report says Iran halted its program back in 2003. President Bush says wait—the report shows they could do it again. So his team is still fighting for sanctions. What’s to blame? They say this time around, they had better sourcing.

 

More teenagers got pregnant last year

Last year the teenage birth rate in the United States rose 3%, the first rise since 1991. A new report from the Centers for Disease Control estimates there were 4.2 million births by teens age 15 and 19 years old. The reason why, exactly, sparked a lively debate about the merits of abstinence programs, which have received about $1 billion in funding over the last 10 years. Opponents of the programs want more focus on contraception, while some say complacency after years of a declining birth rate may have led to the increase.

 

Boy Scouts lose a home in Philadelphia

The city of Philadelphia ousted the Boy Scouts from one of its government buildings for not accepting gays in its charter. The Boy Scouts had resided in the building since 1928, largely at the expense of the government and the taxpayer. But the city had been after the group to change its discriminatory policies or lose its lease. A spokesperson for the Boy Scouts told the New York Times, “open homosexuality would be inconsistent with the values that we want to communicate with our leaders.” The cost to rent? About $200,000 a year.

 

Now go forth and be merry…and be smart!

Never walk out the door with a Rudolf sweater!

You have worked hard all year, especially this holiday season...you’ve bought all the cards, gifts, even remembered the stamps…baked cookies, pies…well, now it's your time to SHINE.

Here are some tips for how to set yourself apart this holiday season without breaking the bank:

Black Paired with Pops of Color
Holiday dressing does not mean wearing red and green only. Try black with a pop of color, such as red or a dark emerald green. Or go for black with a pop of deep purple, fuchsia, bright blue, winter white, or navy (yes! navy looks very sophisticated when paired with black).

Shine and Texture
Don’t be afraid to play with shine and texture. Even if you would never wear sequins, how about a wide patent leather belt, shoes or clutch? This is the time of year to bring out your velvet and don't forget the fishnet stockings!

When you want to go all out for a fun event, try something sparkly like the Tory Burch Mesh Sequins Dress. It’s perfect for a black-tie cocktail party, wedding or New Year’s Eve dress.

If you’d like a little shine, but don't want to go all out, pick one piece that can be worn with something else. A sequin tank from J Crew paired with black pants and a jacket is perfect for the office party. Over the weekend, wear it with your skinny or wide leg jeans out to dinner.

Dresses, dresses, dresses
The item of the season is definitely the dress. Do you remember the last time you wore a dress? Me neither! Well, it's time again!

Sweater dresses are hot this winter and easy to wear. This sequined jersey tunic dress is a great look that can be worn a few different ways. Here it is paired with black leggings and flats, but you can also wear it with boots or even over skinny jeans.

This satin shift dress can also take you many places. I love the color. For the West Coast ladies wear it as it is, for the East Coast (where we just got our first snow fall) pair it back to black leggings and to complete the look, add a wide black belt!

Or if you’d prefer to invest in a dress that can work all year round, you can't go wrong with something like the Tier-Bottom Organza Dress from Diane von Furstenberg (always worth the investment!) and the Calista Rope Dress with beautiful back detail from Elie Tahari.

Budget conscious
If you have already blown your budget on holiday gifts and just need a fashion "update," accessories are a perfect way to take a black suit, dress or sweater and make it holiday perfect. Club Monaco has some great pieces like clutches, beaded belts, long cashmere gloves, and chunky necklaces and bracelets (unfortunately you will have to go into the store to see). Stores like J Crew and Banana Republic have great cashmere accessories that won't break the bank. If you are trendy and want to be the first in the office to wear colored tights, American Apparel has a good selection.

In addition, stores have already started to mark things down. Don't be intimidated by walking into a high end store! You don't need to wait until after New Year's to get a good bargain.

And one last tip...never walk out of the house with a sweater that has Rudolph on it!

Erica is a NY-based contributor for DiscussionDIVAS and a full-time personal shopper for individuals like you. If you’re looking for additional tips or a complete overhaul, e-mail Erica at Erica.Maslow@gmail.com.